


The Art of Falling Apart

by NotLosingTime



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: AU, Alex is gay, Angst, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Past and Present, Tony knows everything, attempted suicide, but now i'm rolling with it, i swear this isn't as depressing as it sounds, justin is bi and in denial, the 13 chapters wasn't intentional, well it kinda is but there's some happy bits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-06 04:32:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11028702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotLosingTime/pseuds/NotLosingTime
Summary: When Hannah released the tapes, everything fell apart. But Alex and Justin fell apart quite a while before that, surely they had to stop falling at some point?ORJustin can't stop remembering what happened between them.----Will frequent between past/present





	1. Chapter 1

The tapes fucked everything up. Well, if they weren’t already completely fucked up before. Justin Foley was entirely aware that he’d been a dick, hell, he was continuing to be a dick and if you asked most people, they’d probably tell you he enjoyed being a dick, he revelled in it. But you never really know a person, not properly. Justin despised the tapes- despised Hannah and maybe that was selfish, or maybe that’s what she wanted to achieve. He could see the way it was fucking up everyone around him: Clay, Jessica, Courtney, Tyler, even Zach. But the way it was affecting Alex was the worst, but Justin had been too blind and self-absorbed to see it. 

It all started the day he met Hannah Baker. He’d fancied her, maybe even liked her for a while- definitely enough to kiss her. And he hadn’t meant for those rumours to surface, he’d just been having a little fun with his friends. He knew it was a dick move, but that was his thing, his gimmick; flirting with girls, getting with them, bragging about it to all the other stupid jocks. He hadn’t intended for Bryce to send it around half the school, or maybe he had, maybe he really didn’t give a shit about her anyway. Guess it doesn’t matter anymore. 

After Hannah stopped talking to him, he still noticed her around school. She was always hanging around with Jessica Davis and some new blond kid that Justin had never really said two words to at that point; sometimes he kind of wishes he’d never spoken to Alex, maybe then he wouldn’t feel so guilty for ruining his life. 

See, that’s the real start of this giant downward spiral- not Hannah, not that stupid night on the playground. The biggest mistake in Justin’s life was Alex Standall. He still couldn’t decide if it was meeting him or losing him. The first time they spoke was outside Biology class and Alex came walking up to the door with his eyes squinted and then glancing back down at the timetable in his hand. 

Justin couldn’t stop himself from remarking, “Are you lost?” with a chuckle that died in his throat when Alex turned around with an eyebrow raised. See, it wasn’t like some fucking romance movie where Justin instantly fell in love, he just felt…something. Butterflies? He wasn’t sure. 

“Just making sure I’m in the right place, I don’t need snarky comments from jocks with 4 brain cells, thanks” Alex patronisingly replied, flashing Justin a sarcastic smirk before pushing open the door to the classroom and walking inside. 

Justin heard Bryce and a few of the other guys laughing in the background, but he just shrugged it off and walked inside. He didn’t say anything more to Alex, making sure to avoid sitting on his table. Despite that first feeling he’d felt, the guy had just insulted him to his face and he never liked to have his ego bruised, he got enough of that at home.  
They didn’t speak to each other for a while after that, not until Zach made friends with Alex and he started sitting with them sometimes at lunch. 

\------  
When Clay started listening to the tapes, Justin knew that things were going to get a lot worse, though he hadn’t quite anticipated how slow Clay was going to be or how vengeful he would become. He was angry at Clay for judging him, for judging all of them like he was the perfect angel Hannah made him out to be. 

Justin wanted to protect Jessica from Hannah’s lies, well that’s what he told himself over and over again every day before having to face Clay in school with all his questions and his judgements. 

“Stay the fuck away, Jensen” Justin spat, pushing Clay into a wall outside the main school building. Justin had caught Clay trying to interrogate Jessica and it was pissing him off; he was terrified of what Clay would do when he heard the whole truth. Well, Hannah’s truth. Justin didn’t want Clay anywhere near Jessica. 

“Is it true? What Hannah said, about Alex?” Clay asked, his head tilting, acting like he wasn’t scared of Justin at all. It made Justin furious. He punched the wall beside Clay’s head, making the other boy flinch in fear and shock.

Justin glared at Clay with all the hatred he could muster, “Shut your fucking mouth about Alex, you don’t know anything about him!” He screamed, wishing he could just punch Clay over and over again until he finally realised that he needed to stop this, needed to stop digging. 

“Is everything okay here?” A voice asked from behind where Justin had Clay pinned to the wall. Justin squeezed his eyes closed and gritted his teeth in frustration. Of all the people in the world…

“Fuck off, Tony. This is none of your business” Justin sighed, though he pulled away from Clay because he knew there was nothing he could do while Tony was here. Fucking perfect Tony, who somehow knew everything about Hannah’s life and suicide, even though he wasn’t on the tapes. 

Fucking Tony, who’d patronisingly assured Justin that he’d ‘keep an eye on Alex’ after it was clear that Alex had heard the tapes and he looked like he was going to collapse under the guilt. Justin had pushed Tony away and firmly informed him, “I don’t give a shit about Alex. Hannah is a fucking liar” and stormed away. When Justin glanced back over his shoulder, he could see the disbelieving look on Tony’s face as he shook his head at Justin’s outburst. Justin had felt the shame burn through him that day, not for the first time and definitely not for the last. 

But now here Tony was once again, trying to make Justin feel _bad._ Like he didn’t feel that every fucking day, every time he looked at Jessica, at Alex. He didn’t need Tony and Clay ganging up on him with their superior hero complex, acting like Justin was the only person who’d ever fucked up. 

“I think you need to calm down,” Tony muttered, walking closer to the pair of boys. Which made Justin even angrier than he had been before, if that was even possible. Clay was looking at Tony with relief and that made Justin feel like more of an asshole, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. 

Justin took a deep breath, turning away from the other two, thinking of what to say, what to do. He was confused and frustrated and fucking _angry._ But Tony was right, he needed to calm down. 

“You know you’re not actually helping Alex, right?” Justin’s head shot around at that and he could feel the anger seeping back into his veins, “Or Jessica, for that matter” Clay continued, raising his eyebrows as if he was challenging Justin. He wanted to beat the shit out of both of them, scream until he couldn’t even speak anymore. 

Instead, he just stared dully at Clay and muttered, “I’m doing all I can do” and even he had to admit that he sounded defeated, pathetic and weak. But it was all he had left. 

“That’s bullshit, Justin, you know it is,” Clay glared, “you could do something, if you really wanted to” and once again, Justin was furious. Jesus, it felt like that’s all he was these days. Furious or sad, so fucking sad. 

“You haven’t even listened to all the tapes yet, so don’t act like you know everything. You have no fucking clue!” Justin shouted the ending, drawing the attention of several students that were now exiting the school building. Justin saw Alex staring over and they briefly made eye contact, before Alex quickly ripped his eyes away and carried on down the road, towards his house. 

When Justin turned back, he saw that Clay and Tony had both left. He sighed and none too gently rested his head against the wall in front of him. Everything was so fucked up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin struggles with his emotions, as he gets Alex involved in Bryce's List.  
> \----  
> Justin, Alex and Zach take Clay for a ride. It doesn't fix as many things as Justin hoped it would.

If you’d asked Justin Foley a few weeks prior to Alex Standall beginning to hang out with their little group whether he’d ever questioned his sexuality, he would’ve laughed and probably said, “hell no” and all the other guys would’ve laughed along with him, high-fiving. But of course, Alex Standall had to come and fuck that all up. See, Justin knew he’d felt something the first time he spoke to Alex but he’d ignored it and he’d been happy going on with his life, talking to girls left and right. He knew how to do that; it didn’t scare him like Alex had, like Alex still did. 

When Alex had first started hanging out with them, Justin didn’t really talk to the blonde boy. Whenever anyone would ask why, he’d just tell them that the boy hadn’t earned his respect yet, and wow, didn’t that make him sound like an asshole? But really, he was just too nervous to say anything to him. He was scared that he’d feel those butterflies again, he still got a little flutter of them every time Alex was sat at their table, and he didn’t want to make it worse by actually talking to the boy. But in the end, Alex kind of forced him to talk to him. 

“Have I done something to offend you? Or is the Almighty Justin Foley just too important to speak to me?” Alex demanded one day when he and Justin were the first two sat at their table in the cafeteria, after they’d sat in awkward silence for five minutes, waiting for the others. 

Justin almost choked on his food but tried to play it cool, “Uh, no…I just don’t know if you deserve to be a proper member of our group yet” he tried to justify, to which Alex raised his eyebrows at. 

“Oh?” He questioned, leaning his head on his hand, “so how do I earn it?” he asked, and he probably didn’t even mean to lick his bottom lip after he said it, but suddenly it was all Justin could focus on. He could feel himself staring, and he knew he should be embarrassed, mortified but he just couldn’t stop. 

He finally dragged his eyes away, only to notice Alex staring back at him with a tiny smirk on his face. Justin felt his cheeks heating up, “Er, uhm, I don’t know…something cool, why don’t you help us with Bryce’s list after school?” He suggested, desperately trying to think of anything to distract from his embarrassment.

As the rest of the jocks entered the cafeteria, taking their seats across the table, Justin made eye contact with Alex and the younger boy flashed him a small smile that he found himself returning. Justin realised in that moment that he was totally fucked. 

\----------------------------------------------------------

Out of the many, many, many things that Justin Foley regrets, getting Alex involved in Bryce’s stupid list is definitely in the top 10. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but now he knew the impact that it had, he would do anything to go back and change things. 

Justin knew that Hannah’s tape still rang in Alex’s ears, every moment of the day, he knew Alex well enough to know that he would never forgive himself. Justin wanted to scream at Alex, ‘don’t listen to what she says! I know you! I know you didn’t mean it!’ not that Alex would even listen to a word Justin said to him. Just after Justin heard the tapes, and realised that Alex was on them, he’d contemplated going up to Tony for days, considered just begging him not to pass the tapes on to Alex. He knew that the blonde would be heartbroken from his own tape, and selfishly, he dreaded Alex hearing Justin’s second tape. But in the end, Justin’s pride won out and he watched Alex come into school one morning, saw the despair and hatred on his face, and he knew that he’d listened to the tapes.

Despite everything that had happened between the two boys, Alex still hung out in their group most of the time. Mostly because Zach was there, and Justin hoped a little that it was also secretly because he wanted to see Justin, even though he definitely didn’t deserve it. After the tapes, the dynamic of the group shifted massively, as they all tried their best to stop the tapes getting to Bryce. Fucking Bryce. 

“What’s up? You’re acting…weird?” Jessica asked, snapping Justin out of his deep thoughts about Alex, and tapes, and Bryce _fucking_ Walker. Justin felt like there was a hand wrapped around his heart; the same feeling he always got when he looked at Jess these days, he couldn’t decide if it was guilt from all he’d done or the selfish fear of losing her when she worked it all out. 

Jessica was so beautiful, not to mention funny, kind, sweet. She definitely didn’t deserve any of this. When Jess first heard the tapes, she broke down. She was a mess, she still is, and Justin didn’t know what to _do._ It seemed like everything he did was making it all worse. She’d begged Justin to tell her that it wasn’t true, that none of it was true, not about Alex, not about her party. Justin panicked, like he always fucking did, and he _promised_ her that Hannah was lying. He still doesn’t think she actually believed him, they’re both just pretending until one of them breaks. 

“I’m fine, babe” He muttered, kissing her on the cheek as they sat in the bleachers at school with the majority of the school. The other boys were all there, and Justin couldn’t help but glance at Alex, though the other boy was staring resolutely forward with a frown on his face. 

In many ways, it had appeared that Jess was most angry about Alex on the tapes than what had happened at her own party. Justin had thought it was crazy at the time, when she slapped him hard across the face and he’d thought ‘this is it’ but instead she’d screamed “You and Alex?! You and fucking Alex, how could you do that to me?!” and Justin sat in confusion for a minute or so. He’d pleaded after that, denied everything and somehow, she’d forgiven him; well, as much as she could do. It wasn’t until a week or so later that he realised she’d been too scared to even acknowledge the party, so focusing on Alex was so much easier than that. That made Justin feel even worse. 

“You wanna hang out after school? I thought maybe we could go to the movies?” Jess asked, almost like she was begging for things to go back to how they once were, though Justin knew that they definitely never could. 

“Maybe…I’ve got school work, not to mention my mom…” Justin began, though Jessica cut him off when she stood up from the bleachers and stormed away, catching the attention of the other guys. Justin sighed, closing his eyes and wondering why they even bothered to pretend anymore. 

“Well, looks like you’re in trouble there, Justy” Bryce mocked, slapping his leg in what would appear to be a friendly gesture, but Justin had experienced years of Bryce’s passive-aggressive asshole routine and he knew this was not the case. Still, he forced out a small chuckle and shrugged the whole thing off. They needed to focus on Clay anyway, not Justin’s hatred and bitterness. 

Bryce stood up, along with Montgomery and a few other guys, to walk back to the cafeteria. As soon as they were far enough away, Justin slid closer to where Alex and Zach were sat together. Justin was trying his best not to burn with jealousy, even though he knew there was nothing to be jealous of, he just couldn’t help it sometimes.

“Hey, we need to do something about Clay. Tonight. Bring your car, Alex” Justin informed them, then he stood up and quickly strode away, before he gave Alex a chance to tell him to fuck off. 

\-----------------------

The List made it around the whole school. Justin, Bryce and the other guys all thought it was hilarious, one of the funniest things they’d ever done. Of course, with the ability of hindsight, Justin realised that that wasn’t true, but there was nothing he could do now. 

One of the best things to come from the list, in Justin’s eyes, was that Alex started hanging around with them more. He had just ruined his friendship with both Hannah and Jessica, so it wasn’t surprising considering the group of jocks were now his only friends. But still, Justin was secretly ecstatic, though he was of course trying to play it cool around the blonde boy. 

Alex even started joining them when they hung out at Bryce’s, which definitely made it more exciting when all they ever really did was sit around, play videogames and get high. Alex seemed to fit in quite well, at least with Justin and Zach. Justin knew that he should’ve hung out with Alex a little less than he seemed desperate to do, but again, the ability of hindsight is useless in the moments that it happens. So for now, Justin was enjoying having Alex around as they both tried their hardest to beat each other on COD (Alex always won, which really pissed Justin off.) 

One night at Bryce’s, after everyone had gone home and Bryce had headed up to his bedroom and told Justin he could stay in the pool house, it was only Justin and Alex left. Justin was high because…when wasn’t Justin high? And he and Alex were just finishing their current videogame competition. When it ended and Alex won _again,_ they threw the controllers on the floor and just lounged back on the sofa. 

Justin could feel eyes burning into the side of his face so he turned towards Alex and eloquently mumbled, “Wha iz it?” while staring back into the blue eyes of the other boy. Justin would blame the flip-flopping of his stomach on the weed later, regardless of the fact he’d felt it sober before as well. 

“You’re not what I thought you’d be like,” the blonde boy whispered back, making Justin’s heart leap into his throat in anticipation, “in a good way, obviously” Alex chuckled, moving his hand to Justin’s, which rested on the sofa, and interlocking their fingers together. 

Justin felt his heartbeat speeding up and prayed that Alex couldn’t feel his pulse from where their hands were connected. “You’re- you’re not what I was expecting either,” Justin replied, even though Alex was exactly what he expected, all that and more. 

“Jesus, I’m probably going to regret saying this in the morning…” Alex nervously muttered, “but I, I can’t stop thinking about you” and boom, there it was. The thing that Justin had been secretly hoping Alex would say, all laid out in front of him. Maybe if Justin had been braver, he would’ve leaned in to kiss the smaller boy. Instead, he just sat there, staring dumbfounded at Alex, watching the other boy’s cheeks heat up in embarrassment. 

Alex muttered a humiliated apology before jumping up off the sofa and running out of Bryce’s pool house, while Justin was still sat, staring at the place the boy used to sit. It was one of the first times Justin wondered why he was such a coward, though it definitely wasn’t the last. 

\----------------

Justin’s panic about Alex’s declaration seemed silly now, now that the full extent of everything that had happened was out there, ready to explode in all their faces at any time. Especially after Clay would hear his own tape and realise that he was nothing like the rest of them, God knows what he would do then. He was already messing with them- taking Courtney to Hannah’s grave, getting revenge on Tyler, who knew what he’d do when he got to the tapes about Jessica’s party?

“So, the plan is to drive fast and scare him?” Zach clarified from the backseat, as the boys drove around, looking for Clay Jensen on his bike. Justin admitted that it wasn’t the best plan in the world, but Clay wasn’t listening to any of Justin’s threats and there was little else that they could do. 

“Yep,” Justin confirmed, from his place in the front seat, next to a rigid Alex, “Standall’s a really good driver, but Clay doesn’t know that, so he’ll be terrified!” he laughed, not missing the way Alex’s shoulders seized up even more than they had been already and Zach awkwardly looked out the window. 

“There he is!” Zach shouted, thankfully breaking the awkwardness that had descended over the car, causing Alex to chase after the boy and swerve in front of him to stop him. 

Justin got out of the car, “Wanna go for a ride real quick?” he smirked, watching as Zach took his bike off him and put it in the trunk of Alex’s car. Clay was, understandably, extremely hesitant to get in the car, until Alex also got out. 

“Come on, I’ll take you home” Alex kindly said, making Justin look back at him and witness the defeated look on the face that still regularly haunted Justin’s dreams. It was incredible how difficult it was to shake the thoughts of him, which just brought him spiralling back to that memory in Bryce’s pool house, and he wondered if Alex still thought about him much anymore, and if it was in the same way he used to. Justin doubted that, he doubted anybody still thought of him the same way anymore. 

Once they were all back in the car and Alex put his foot down, Justin had felt noticeably less scared than Clay or Zach seemed to be, as Alex refused to ease up. He should’ve realised that he should’ve been more scared than he was, though not for himself, but for Alex. When Alex eventually slowed down, as the cop car pulled alongside them, Justin didn’t realise the officer was Alex’s dad, despite meeting him several times in the past. Justin and Zach both laughed in joy after Officer Standall walked away, realising that they were definitely off the hook. 

Alex dropped Clay off first, then Zach, leaving just Justin and the blonde in the car together. Justin couldn’t stop himself from staring at the younger boy, even though Alex seemed resolute in ignoring him. Justin hadn’t been alone with Alex in weeks, he wasn’t sure if it was his doing or Alex’s, though looking at the boy’s face now, Justin would guess that Alex hadn’t exactly been vying for his attention. 

“Stop looking at me,” he quietly mumbled, with his eyes still focussed on the road ahead. It broke Justin out of his daydream, thinking of moments much better than the one they were in right now, though the company was definitely the same. 

“Sorry,” Justin muttered in reply, and both boys knew that Justin wasn’t only apologising for staring, as the weight of that word weighed heavily on both of them for the rest of the drive to Bryce’s. Neither boy said another word as Justin exited the car and watched as Alex drove away, wishing desperately that he had the guts to call him back and say _something_ but instead, he collapsed onto the sofa in Bryce’s pool house and tried to tear his mind away from Alex fucking Standall. As usual, it didn’t work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Not as pleased with this chapter but it was longer!  
> Hope you enjoyed it :) thanks so much for the comments and kudos on the last chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Alex interact at one of Bryce's parties. 
> 
> \---------
> 
> Alex and Monty fight. Justin wonders if he'll ever not feel bad about the decisions he makes.

Things were awkward between Justin and Alex for a while following the night at Bryce’s. Justin wanted to talk to Alex but he was scared, as usual, and every time they were near each other, Alex’s eyes were glued to the floor as he tried his very best to ignore Justin’s existence. See, that night had just complicated things even further in Justin’s mind. He couldn’t get the blonde boy out of his head, couldn’t stop himself from staring at his lips every chance he got with the frustration of how _close_ he’d been to kissing them, but in true Justin Foley style, he’d fucked it up. 

It didn’t help that Bryce had picked up on the tension between the two of them, frequently making jokes about how their close bond had died pretty quickly. Every time he said something, Justin rolled his eyes and tried not to punch Bryce. Alex just didn’t react at all. 

In the end, it was one of Bryce’s infamous parties that gave them the courage to finally talk to each other again. 

Bryce’s mansion was filled with people, mostly from their school but it felt like there were hundreds of people that Justin didn’t recognise. He tried to find Zach for a good 20 minutes but in the end, admitted defeat and went to find himself a drink instead. Over by the drinks table, he saw Hannah Baker talking to Clay Jensen but he didn’t pay them much attention, especially when he spotted Alex’s bright blonde hair stood beside the pair. 

Justin’s breath caught in his throat, watching Alex mutter to himself as Hannah steadily ignored his entire existence. Justin psyched himself up and took a deep breath, before approaching where the blonde stood pouring himself a drink. He walked up beside Alex, accidentally shoving Clay out of the way in the process, though the brunette said nothing to him and just scooted further away. 

“Er, hey Alex” Justin mumbled, trying to ignore the way his face was heating up in embarrassment. Alex turned to him with an eyebrow raised, obviously surprised that Justin was talking to him again after their weeks of awkwardness. 

“Hey Foley, what’s up?” 

“I was wondering if you wanted to talk? Like in private?” He stuttered, mentally kicking himself. 

Alex hesitated, before slowly nodding his head, “Sure, as long as you aren’t just planning on beating me up while no one’s around” 

Justin chuckled, “You caught me, that’s totally the reason I’m asking you upstairs” 

“My mama always told me not to trust boys like you,” Alex fluttered his eyelashes as he finished, making both boys burst out laughing, which caused Hannah to glance over with her eyebrows drawn together in confusion. 

As Justin led Alex upstairs, they both didn’t notice the person watching them with interest the entire time.

\----------------------------

Justin was high. He was so fucking high. He’d been sat in Bryce’s pool house for hours, on his own, just smoking out of his favourite bong while he told himself over and over that this was fun, that’s why he was doing it. After the second bong, he kind of started to believe it. 

Things were getting more and more fucked up by the day, as Clay moved further along with the tapes and Justin couldn’t handle the stress anymore. He couldn’t handle staring at Jess’ face while she tried her best not to hate him. He couldn’t handle Zach, Marcus and the others all looking up to him like he was supposed to have all the answers; he had no fucking clue what to do about Clay. He couldn’t handle being around _Bryce_ but he had nowhere else to go, and wasn’t that a depressing thought. And he definitely couldn’t handle thinking about Alex. 

However, because Justin’s life was a bitch, he couldn’t stop any of these things, especially thinking about Alex. So he decided to get high instead, it used to help before when he couldn’t handle his mom’s boyfriend but now it was just making him feel sad and alone. 

There was a knock on the door before Bryce opened it and poked his head in, “Justin, dude, I’m going to bed. You’re welcome for the bed, see you in the morning. Don’t make too much noise” He grinned, shutting the door soundly after him. 

Justin threw the bong in his hand at the door Bryce had just exited through, watching it shatter into shards on the floor. He felt tears welling in his eyes, a mixture of embarrassment, rage and intoxication. He was so _angry_ at Bryce, and even more at himself from not doing anything about it. Justin just let him get away with everything; every time he stepped on Justin, every time he hurt someone Justin cared about- he just _let him._

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, noting that there were no missed calls or texts, not that there ever were anymore. Before he could stop himself, he’d clicked on Alex’s name and opened text messages. He tried not to read the previous messages, begging himself not to reminisce _again._

Sometimes, he wished that he didn’t remember how things with Alex got so fucked up, but it was ingrained in his memory, he could barely close his eyes without remembering every detail as Alex’s face flickered with confusion and hurt. 

He debated sending a message to Alex at all, as some sober part of him knew that he definitely should not do it. He flipped the phone in his hand a couple times, thinking of the perfect way to word how he felt. In the end, he only sent one word before he passed out, his hazed state welcoming sleep. 

The message read: ‘baby’

Alex didn’t reply. 

\-------------------------------

When Justin finally got Alex upstairs at Bryce’s party, he found that most of the rooms were already filled with couples making out and hooking up. Justin’s stomach fluttered at the thought that he and Alex might be doing that soon, though he ordered the thought out of his head as soon as he thought it. He was not into Alex Standall in that way. Definitely not. 

They finally found a room that was empty in Bryce’s huge house, and Alex looked around the magnificent room in what seem to be appreciation if it were anyone else, but Justin knew that Alex was probably judging how ridiculously rich Bryce’s family were. Alex took a seat on the bed and shyly beckoned Justin over. 

Justin sat down next to Alex, trying to stop himself from staring at the way Alex’s eyelashes brushed against his cheek when he blinked. 

“You’re so pretty,” Justin stated abruptly, making Alex’s cheeks heat up while Justin covered his own face in mortification at his words. While they were true, he hadn’t meant to say it, certainly not open with it. “Shit sorry, I-I didn’t mean to say that. Not that I don’t think it’s true because it definitely is, but I wanted to talk and, god, you probably think I’m so stupid right no-“ 

The rest of Justin’s words were swallowed by Alex’s lips, as the blonde placed his hand on the older boy’s face. Justin sat listlessly, in shock, for a couple seconds- enough to make Alex hesitate in the kiss and almost pull away. But Justin grabbed the back of Alex’s neck and deepened the kiss, causing a soft moan to escape Alex’s lips. 

Eventually, after a minute or so, Alex pulled back and released a breath. “Okay, now let’s talk, Foley” he grinned, and it widened even more when Justin groaned in annoyance at the kiss being broken. Alex leant forward and pecked Justin’s lips one more time before scooting further back onto the bed, putting some distance between the two teens. Justin stared down at Alex’s pink, still slightly wet, lips and wished that the two had nothing at all to talk about so that they could just sit and do that for the rest of their lives. 

“I hate you,” Justin mumbled, rubbing his face with his hands, though he felt his smile brighten when Alex let out an adorable little laugh. Justin was about to continue when the bedroom door burst open. 

Zach’s head peeped around the corner and he hurriedly informed the two on the bed, “Cops are here, we gotta get out” before swiftly leaving again. Justin wanted to bang his head against a wall but instead he followed Alex out of the room. Even when things started going right, it seemed like the world was against them. 

\------------------

Justin got a ride into school with Montgomery, even though in all honesty, he wasn’t the biggest fan of Monty. He’d always been a dick, but he was a part of their group and it wasn’t like Justin could drive himself into school, not without a car. After the night before at Bryce’s, Justin was feeling a little delicate and definitely mortified after the humiliating text he’d sent to Alex last night, which was made ten times worse by the fact that the blonde had ignored it. Justin was dreading seeing Alex today. 

However, it seemed that it wasn’t going to be very long until Justin had to face Alex again, when Montgomery nearly hit the other boy with his car. They jolted forward in shock, and Justin was slightly worried when he realised who they had almost collided with. 

“The fuck?! Man, people are tryna walk here!” Alex shouted, indignation clear across his face. Justin and Montgomery both laughed lightly, which only made the boy angry. “The fuck is your problem?” Alex asked, walking closer to Monty’s car and taking off his backpack.

“Dude, Alex, chill. It’s all good,” Monty chuckled, dismissing Alex though the blonde continued to get closer to the car. Justin was looking at Alex in confusion now, wondering why he was making such a big deal out of this, especially considering he knew that Montgomery was a dick. 

“Oh, it’s all good? You think you can just run people over like everyone else at the fucking school?”

“You’re tripping, man”

“Okay. Get out of the car,” Alex paused, his face was deadly serious, though Justin assumed that he must have been joking, “Get out of the car!” He screamed, smacking his hand against Monty’s car door, “I’m gonna kick your fucking ass! Get out! Get out” He continued screaming, making Justin rush to get out of the car and prevent this from happening.

“Alex, calm the fuck down,” Justin tried to placate, as he watched Montgomery climb out of his side of the car.

“You calm the fuck down! I am calm! Man, I am so fucking calm!” The blonde responded, his body visibly shaking from the rage he was feeling. If Justin wasn’t worried before, he definitely was now. 

“You don’t wanna do this” Monty reasoned, giving Alex time to back out of this fight that he was definitely going to lose. 

“What, you think I’m scared of you?” Alex fronted, sizing himself up against Montgomery’s clearly much larger frame, though Alex was doing a pretty good job of acting tough. Justin could see right through it though. 

“You should be” Monty warned, and Justin could see he was getting more and more prepared to fight Alex. Justin wanted to stop it but he knew there was nothing he could do, well that’s what he reasoned with himself, especially when he saw the massive crowd that the pair had attracted. 

“Man, fuck you!” Alex shouted and pushed Monty backwards, which was, of course, rewarded with Montgomery’s fist smashing into Alex’s face and knocking him backwards on the floor. Justin felt like all the air had been punched out of his lungs. Alex stood back up and lunged at Monty and the pair rolled around on the floor, punching and kicking each other until Alex was covered in bruises and blood. 

Justin made eye contact with Clay in the crowd, and Justin could just feel the _judgement_ rolling off him; it made Justin want to scream, but instead he ignored the other boy’s gaze and reluctantly turned back to the fight. Alex was on the ground and Montgomery was leaning over him, punching him in the face over and over and _over._ Every punch made Justin feel more sick and he had to squeeze his eyes closed so that he didn’t have to look any longer.

He was so angry that Zach hadn’t jumped in to split the fight up, almost as angry as he was at himself for just standing there and doing nothing while the boy he cared about more than he was willing to admit was getting his face smashed in. 

Justin had never been more relieved than when he saw Mr Porter coming to split the fight up and he breathed a sigh of relief at the fact Alex was even still conscious, though the boy definitely wasn’t okay. His bloodied state was a mess on the parking lot floor as students started to disperse to class, but Justin couldn’t get his feet to move. Zach appeared next to him, offering him a small frown, before ushering him towards the class that they had together.

Justin took one more look at Alex’s crumpled state on the ground, then he walked away and tried to continue his day as though nothing had happened. But it appeared that this fight was yet another memory that would haunt his mind forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyyyy thanks for all the responses on the last two chapters! Hope you like this one :)   
> sorry its so long, i wasn't gonna include the whole exchange between monty n alex but thought it would be interesting to put justin's perspective on it in. not sure it was but it's 5:30am so i'm just going with it. 
> 
> also gonna just take this time to say that in this, Alex and Jessica never dated, they were just three friends but Alex started hanging around with the guys and jessica and hannah fell out about something else that i haven't made up so use your imaginations hahaha   
> also let's say that alex put hannah and jessica on the list to seem like he was seeing both of them to impress bryce, so kinda like the actual storyline  
> anywayyyy sorry for the long note, not really important, just thought I'd clarify!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading, I would appreciate any comments, kudos and subscriptions!  
> This is my first 13 reasons why fic so I hope you like it!!  
> I'll try to update as regularly as possible but I am terrible :(
> 
> Also please let me know if the flicking between past and present is confusing and I'll try to make it more clear which is which! Thanks :)


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